Hey, so, remember when I would actually post stuff to my blog? Hm? You don't? I don't blame you, it has been eons since I've posted anything. This little thing called life got in the way, sorry about that. I keep telling it that it's a bitch, but it just keeps on moving without any regard to how I want it to move.
Anyway, back in March, I went to my very first concert ever. Yes, that's right, I was 24 when I broke my proverbial concert cherry.
I saw Rihanna during her Anti Tour, live at the Palace of Auburn Hills in Michigan. To anyone that knows me and anyone who doesn't, Rihanna is bae, AF. Of course, I couldn't go to a Rihanna concert without making a bold statement with my outfit. I smeared on a dark green lipstick called Dr.M courtesy of Colourpop, wore skin tight leggings, a thong, went sans bra, and wore the top you see to your right. I was sexy, I was fierce, and more importantly it was the first time in a very long time that I felt very exposed about self conscious about my fat. But this was Rihanna we were talking about, I either had to go big, or go home, and I wasn't going to chicken out.
This is the look I was trying to emulate with what I had in my wardrobe. I didn't have the jewelry, nor the time to put my hair in bantu knots, but my outfit was something daring, something I would never have the courage to do if Rihanna hadn't been involved. So, I took the plunge, grabbed my ticket, requested an Uber and headed out into the world feeling extremely exposed and uncomfortable in my body. However, I was determined to enjoy myself no matter what, because bae.Walking into the arena was torturous. Everywhere around me, I saw girls of all different shapes and sizes pulling off the types of outfits my broke behind dreams of wearing. For someone who is confident in their body about 60-70% of their time, I felt out of my element. I felt like a shy little turtle, cautiously poking my head out of my shell every few minutes to see if I was reading to come out. I go braless all the time, like, ALL. THE. TIME, but rarely in public and that one deviation from my regular routine set off a domino effect of insecurity that I was nowhere near prepared for.
We got to the venue early, because I'm me and I'm punctual, forever on time lol. I remember feeling a rush of adrenaline when I got my ticket. The realization that I was going to be in the same space with the woman that I admire so. However, the moment that sense of euphoria and perfectness wore off, I was right back to being all too aware of how my breasts were jiggly around beneath my shirt. Instinctively, I began tugging at my shirt in every way imaginable, pulling it down over my butt to hide my thong that wasn't showing, pulling it down over my stomach that wasn't showing.
I tried to literally wrap myself in a black cocoon with my Torrid caged tank top. As you can imagine, it didn't work. From about 7:15 pm to about 9pm I sat, hot and sweaty, eyes darting this way and that, trying to hide my body from a world that -surprise, surprise- wasn't paying attention to me.
It was at that moment, that Rihanna came onto the stage, lifting out of a podium in the ground that the crowd went bonkers and I remembered why I was there, why literally everyone else came there that night. To see Rihanna. No one was paying attention to me, my fat, my flaws, my insecurities and that realization made me remember all the body positive love that I have instilled in myself over the years.
I felt my own comfort wash over me as tears streamed down my face because my excitement was that paramount. I looked good that night, hella good, I was fierce and even though I spent a long time trying to get over my negative emotions I didn't allow fear to allow me to shy away from bold fashion choices. I proved to myself that I can be just as daring as I want to be.
Mission Unlocked: Life Lesson.
