Me and My Fat

News flash world: I actually like being fat.

Do I like every single aspect of my fat body? No. But hey, guess what, did you know that nobody does? You didn't? Well, guess what again? Now you do.  However, by and large, me and my big, squishy, fat body are pretty cool amigos.

I love being fat.

Living in a diet and beauty culture that isn't always the easiest thing to do either. We live in a society where it is anticipated, no, demanded of us that if we are fat; our greatest priority should be to lose weight. Well, I can't speak for every fat woman in the world but I can speak for myself. And, let me tell you, losing weight takes a really low place in my priorities right now.

Don't get me wrong, I do want to lose weight. However, when I do lose weight, I still want to be fat. I know, shocking right? As far as priorities go my biggest ones right now are: taking care of myself spiritually and mentally, building better relationships with my family which included my mother, Mary, my father, Michael, and my sister (who is an annoyingly five years older than me) Tiffany, repairing the bonds of love between me and my significant other, Tianna, and finally getting some of my fiction published. Being able to fit in smaller clothes doesn't even hit the top ten of crap I'd rather be doing with my life right now.

But Rachel, you're fat! Aren't you worried about how this will negatively impact every avenue of your life??? Some may ask that. But gee, last time I checked; my family loves me unconditionally, my partner thinks my body is a proverbial wonderland, my professors don't give two craps about my weight, I'm healthy aside from having asthma which I was diagnosed with as a child back when I was a little wisp of a thing. So, that being said, aside from having days when I look in the mirror and see a gelatinous blob instead of a sexy fat girl; my fat actually has a pretty positive impact on my life.

My fat makes me soft, which makes me feel more feminine, more womanly, which automatically makes me feel sexier and more comfortable within my own skin. My fat makes me jiggly which, when it comes to rolling around in the hay, is freaking awesome. My fat has put me on the receiving end of a lot of hate which has not only made me a stronger person, but also more compassionate and empathetic toward my fellow humans.  My body has carried me throughout my entire life and I spent a large portion of my life hating it and mistreating it. However, when I finally came around, after years of neglect and abuse my body was still here and it loved me for all that I was and wasn't.

My fat makes me feel like I can conquer the world because I know, that simply because I am fat, I will have so many people working to fight against me. It will probably be a long time before people stop looking down on me for my weight. As the years simultaneously inch and leap forward, I'm sure that there will still be days where I am told that I should lose weight because I'm fat. Not for my health, not for the longevity of my life, but because for some crazy reason; fat is just the worst thing any human being can be. But that's alright, I've never been one to back down in the face of adversity. I have days when I hate my body, but like any couple, we metaphorically kiss and make up, we move on, get over it, and continue to love one another.

I'm not "glorifying obesity" or "promoting an unhealthy lifestyle," all I'm saying is that I have one message" if you have a body, love it. Short, sweet, simple, and to the point. If you want to lose weight, do it because it'll make you happy. If you want to eat a pizza, do it because it'll make you happy. Be mindful of your health, that's all I ask. As for the fat shamers that make people feel like sh#t for their weight, what you fail to realize is that health is far more than just physical, and by damaging someone's emotional, mental, or spiritual health all for the thinly veiled, malicious "concern" for someone's physical health: you are the ones promoting an unhealthy lifestyle.

mic drop

artist: Tyiama Turner

This picture was drawn for me by my partner's cousin, she posted it to Facebook for me and wrote me the sweetest message. I look at this picture about once a day, and I'm determined to live my life by this message: don't let anyone dull your sparkle. Why should I diminish myself so others may shine? Why should you? 

I call bullsh#t

Hello lovelies, it's been a while since I've done a blog post. I've been going through a lot of stuff in my personal life. Recently, I've had two deaths hit me tremendously hard, and to be honest, it's been kind of hard for me to get back on my feet. Plus, school is back in session. So, yeah, you know, there's that.

However, upon my nightly surfing of the interwebs, by that; I mean wasting my free-time stalking Facebook like I don't have other, more productive things that I could be doing. But, I digress, I wound up finding this. This is a video by Youtube personality Nicole Arbour entitled "Dear Fat People," with a caption underneath that reads: What we've all wanted to say to fat people.

I read a lot of comments online before actually watching the video. Tons of body positive activists that I follow shared the video and they all had their own bit to say about it. I read good comments, bad comments, and a lot of stuff in between that sat somewhere in between. Going into this video, I pushed the comments aside and decided to have the most open mind and clear head that I possibly could.

Until.....I was able to call bullsh#t literally under a MINUTE into the video where Nicole Arbour states and I quote:

"Fat shaming is not a thing. Fat people made that up, that's the race card with no race."

-Nicole Arbour, September 4th, 2015

Okay, so fat shaming just "doesn't exist," right? That's what Arbour would have you believe. Though I vastly disagree with this notion, I tried to keep an open mind and say to myself "okay, I don't agree, but she is more than entitled to her opinion: it isn't my job to like it or agree. However, when, only a minute later Arbour completely contradicts herself. Within one minute she completely throws her argument out the window by pretty much saying saying "oh yeah, fat shaming, that's brilliant we're going to SHAME you until you change."

Well, Ms. Arbour, you are perfectly entitled to your opinion, duckie, that's all well and good. However, I am also entitled to mine, and I have no problem expressing it:

After watching your video, I have this to say of you, yanno...since we want to make assumptions about an entire person's dignity and humanity off of only one, singular aspect of their bodies: you are a deplorable person. You say first, that fat shaming is a made up concept and wave it off as if it means nothing to no one, then comment on it's sheer brilliance.

Well, you see, the issue that I take with that as an English Literature major? Is that EVERYTHING, LITERALLY EVERYTHING that we do, say, and comprehend in this world is just a man made concept. The fact that you are called thin, is a man made concept, the fact that I am called fat or obese is a man made concept, the fact that we call the sky blue, grass green, and people with mental handicaps are all man made handicaps. That's why; dictionaries are constantly changing, that is why they have words consistently taken in and out of them quicker than a two bit whore can turn a trick, and that is why our language is so magical, irritating, and complex. 

May I ask you why, a woman who seemingly displays so much "confidence" -because I'm sure that's what you like to call that- would disable comments for your video where you publicly shame an entire group of people. Hm...."Dear SLUTS," and many of your other videos no not have disabled comments yet this video does? Yet, you say that you're just trying to be people's "ride or die" someone who will always keep it honest and tell you the gut wrenching truth that all of us fat f*cks needs to hear, right? Well, what if your new found obese ride or dies need to leave you a Youtube comment? Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot, disabling Youtube comments would force them all to get off their lazy arses and burn some calories by switching from Youtube to Facebook just to get a response from you, my bad babe.

I want to be mad at this video, but I'm not. I would like to say that I'm surprised, but I'm not. You are the type of person that people like me have to deal with all the time. The thin, beautiful, girl who thinks that she can rap being a gigantic bi*ch in a pretty ribbon and present it to the world. Meghan Tonjes said it best in this video that she made in response.

"It's the mindset that I find really upsetting...lazy comedy wrapped in health and concern trolling tied in a fucking privilege bow."

-Meghan Tonjes. September 4th, 2015

Tonjes also points out that changing your body on a diet that is fueled by self-hatred and shame will get you no where. I can personally attest to that. I grew up shamed. As a young girl, growing bigger and bigger due to steroids being pumped through my body to get my asthma control, and the terrible, terrible relationship that I had with food; from binge eating to starving myself, shame did nothing for me. Yes, I lost weight, five pounds here, ten year, but when the weight of that hatred, that self-loathing, that immense, and painful shame that I carried with me in my heart, soul, mind, and body took its toll I showed my body the utmost hatred and harm in response. I did things to my body that I can never take back, yes, scars fade from the body but the mind never forgets that pain, neglect, and sorrow. 

So, fat shamers, you can come at me, I'll leave the comments open, I have no problem with wasting my breath trying to educate as many people as I can. I'm not going to hide behind fake concern. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that being fat hasn't had it's challenges. HOWEVER, the number one challenge that I have with being fat is people like you. People that share your poisonous, harmful, and degrading mindset. People, like you, who decided that SOMEHOW, my fat is magically your problem or issue to deal with. The people who hide behind their fortified walls of concern for people's health the world over when in all actuality, they want to use social media as a means to try and destroy the dignity of other humans. 

Yeah, your body has to carry you to the end, so what does it matter to you what mine looks like so long as it gets me where it has to go. Did you give this little Youtube speech to the "fat family" at the airport, I mean, they were so gargantuan I'm sure you were flooded with immense concern, right? Yeah, thought so.